First, let me just say — Happy Mother’s Day. Whatever that phrase stirs up in you right now, it’s okay. You might be rejoicing over a child you hold close. You might be grieving a baby who is already with Jesus. Or you might be aching because your arms are still empty and the waiting feels endless.

Wherever you are today, you are seen. This podcast episode’s message is for you.

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When Happiness Feels Impossible

Being genuinely happy for others when we are so deep in our own grief is one of the hardest things we are asked to do. Sitting in a church service on Mother’s Day — surrounded by families, babies, and celebration — when your heart is quietly breaking? That’s a very real, very hard place to be.

If I could sit beside you right now, I would wrap my arms around you and say: Yes. This is hard. This is really, really hard.

But I also want to share something that has made all the difference for me — and it starts in the book of James.

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What James 1 Says About Our Hardest Seasons

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” — James 1:2–4

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” — James 1:12

This book of James is a reflection of how Jesus lived through his greatest trial — and it’s a challenge for us to become more like him in ours. And the command? It’s the hardest one: consider it pure joy to have this trial.

That sounds backwards. Because it is. There are a lot of backwards things about being a Christian, and this is one of them. Our culture says to fix the pain, avoid the discomfort, or at least sit in a collective pool of sorrow together. But as Christ followers, we are called to something different.

We are called to joy in our suffering because suffering makes us more like Jesus.

There is nothing that sanctifies us more deeply than sorrow. And that, I believe, is exactly why we can consider it pure joy even now because in this valley, we are being conformed to the image of Christ.

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The Difference Between Joy and Happiness

The difference between joy and happiness isn’t just a semantic distinction. Understanding the true difference can change how you walk through this season.

Happiness is a feeling. It’s a byproduct of our circumstances such as… a momentary, delightful response to what’s happening around us. It’s not wrong or bad. You will feel happy when you see a positive pregnancy test. That happiness is real and beautiful. But it is fleeting, and it depends entirely on what’s happening to you.

Joy, on the other hand, is a choice. It is a deep, lasting satisfaction that exists regardless of our circumstances. It comes through the power of the Holy Spirit, because how else could any of us choose joy in the midst of grief? We can’t manufacture that on our own. Only the Spirit who lives inside of us can do that.

The Apostle Paul is our greatest example of this. He found joy and contentment when people were throwing stones at him. He chose joy when he was shipwrecked, starving, and facing death. His contentment wasn’t connected to his circumstances, it was rooted in something unshakeable.

That is what’s available to you today.

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Practical Ways to Choose Joy Today

You don’t have to pretend to be happy. You don’t have to push the grief away. But here are a few tangible ways to step into joy even on the hardest days:

1. Acknowledge your grief honestly before God. Don’t bypass it. Bring every ounce of sorrow, every longing, every unanswered question to Him. He is holding it all. He is catching every tear.
2. Remember: other people’s blessings don’t tell the whole story. The families you see around you are walking through their own hard things too. Comparison steals joy, but compassion opens our hearts.
3. Write down three things you are choosing to be joyful about today. Not things that make you happy, things you are choosing joy over. Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools we have.
4. Seek community. You are not alone in this. There are other women sitting in church services today, quietly hurting, feeling completely isolated. Find them. Be found by them.
5. Ask God for wisdom. James 1:5 promises that if you lack wisdom, you can ask God and He will give it generously, without finding fault. You don’t have to figure this all out alone.

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He Sees You

Sister, I want you to know this with everything in me:

God is holding every ounce of grief in your body and in your soul. He is holding every longing. He is catching every single tear. He knows the end of your story, even this chapter that feels like it has no end. He sees you so much more than you will ever feel seen by anyone else.

You are not forgotten. You are not overlooked. You are deeply, completely loved.

And He is calling you to joy today, not because the pain isn’t real, but because joy is stronger than the pain.

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Ready to Go Deeper in Your Faith and Your Fertility Journey?

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