I don’t think I’ve ever laughed and cried in the same conversation quite like I did while recording this week’s episode with Nick and Haley.

If you don’t know them, they host the Thriving Kingdom Marriage podcast, and they spend their days helping other couples heal, communicate, and thrive. But this week, I wanted to hear what happens on the other side of the microphone — when the couple who coaches other marriages is sitting right in the middle of their own waiting season, trying to conceive their second child.

What I got was one of the most honest, tender conversations I’ve had on this show.

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The Weight She Was Carrying Alone

Haley shared something so many of us know intimately: the quiet, month-after-month weight of hoping, tracking, waiting, and wondering. After a smooth, quick pregnancy with their daughter, she assumed trying again would look the same. It didn’t, and she described the season since as a rollercoaster — feeling fully surrendered one week, and fully undone the week before her period, wondering if this could be the month.

What struck me most was her honesty about carrying that weight silently, and alone, for a long time. It wasn’t until one of their regular marriage check-in nights that she fully let Nick see the pressure she’d been holding — the tracking, the anticipating, the not wanting to “jump the gun” on a pregnancy test. Once he saw it, he told her plainly: he didn’t want her carrying that alone.

I think so many of us do this. We assume our husbands understand the depth of what we’re feeling every month, when really, we’ve never fully shown them.

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Surrender Isn’t a One-Time Decision

Haley shared a story that undid me a little. She found an old journal entry from the season before she got pregnant with her daughter — a page where she had surrendered her timeline to God, followed by the entry announcing her pregnancy, ending with the words, “You are the greatest gift of all, Jesus.”

Now, in this new waiting season, she found herself back in that same place, needing to re-surrender all over again — to “focus on the gift giver, not the gift.” She put it so beautifully: it’s a constant invitation from the Lord, not a one-time transaction. Whenever we start creating idols out of our desires, He is gracious to say, lay this down again. I know you did before, but just lay it down again.

That’s such good news for those of us who feel like we’re “failing” at trusting God because we have to surrender the same thing again and again. Surrender is a practice, not a single moment.

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What Nick Wanted Husbands to Hear

One of my favorite parts of this conversation was hearing from Nick directly. He was honest that this season hasn’t felt like as much of an emotional rollercoaster for him — he’s stayed in a steady, faithful place of trusting the Lord’s timing. But that doesn’t mean he’s unaffected. Hearing Haley’s heart moved him to want to investigate whether anything physical might be part of the picture, and bloodwork revealed some things that weren’t quite “optimized.”

He also shared something I think a lot of wives need to hear: many husbands quietly carry fear about their ability to provide for more children, and that fear can look like hesitation or reservation about growing their family. Nick’s conviction was simple and beautiful — God will never call a couple to more children without also providing for them. He’s not asking husbands to have it all figured out financially before saying yes to what God might be doing; he’s asking them to trust the Provider behind the provision.

If your husband seems more reserved about trying again, this might be part of what’s underneath it. It’s worth asking, gently, instead of assuming he doesn’t care.

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The Framework: Heart, Communication, and Design

Nick and Haley walked through the three pillars they use with every couple they coach — and they let me watch them apply it to their own story in real time.

Heart healing came first. Nick shared how growing up without a present father, raised by a strong, capable mother, left him with a subconscious trigger — feeling threatened whenever Haley’s own strong personality showed up. The lie underneath it was simple: my wife is as controlling as my mom was. Once he brought that specific childhood wound to the Lord and let it be healed, he stopped seeing Haley’s strength as a threat and started seeing it as a gift that complements him.

Communication came next, and this is the piece I know so many of us need. Nick’s phrase “two ears, one mouth” stuck with me. When a wife shares what’s weighing on her, she’s usually not asking her husband to fix it — she’s asking to be heard, seen, and held. And Haley’s counterpart to that: prefacing. Giving her husband a heads-up before diving into something emotional, so he has time to shift gears instead of feeling ambushed.

Design differences tied it together — recognizing that men and women were wired differently on purpose, and that those differences are meant to complement rather than compete.

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Pouring Out the Vinegar First

Haley gave an image I haven’t stopped thinking about. She described going to God first with her raw, unfiltered emotions — like pouring out vinegar before the God’s healing oil can fill you up. Instead of unloading that intensity onto Nick, she takes it to the prayer closet first, lets it all out, and lets God meet her there. Only then does she come to Nick from a calmer, emptier place, ready to receive his truth instead of dumping her charge onto him.

That doesn’t mean she never brings her heart to Nick — it means she’s learned who to bring the rawest parts to first.

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A Simple Practice You Can Try

Near the end of our conversation, I shared something my own husband and I do: a weekly marriage check-in with a rotating set of questions. In this season, we’ve added one simple question — “how are you doing with your fertility stuff?” It’s not pressure, it’s permission. It tells your spouse, this is a safe, expected place to talk about it, whenever you’re ready.

If you’re in a waiting season right now, I’d encourage you to try something similar. You don’t need a perfect system — just a consistent, safe space to be honest with each other.

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You Are Not Alone